the snow ebbs from our streets here in Boston.. it came incessantly.. unceasingly.. enveloping us.. making us white.. making us joyful.. making us slip.. making us glide.. transporting us.. and now it slowly goes away.. much like our year here in Boston.. I was overwhelmed.. overawed (am I really that worthy).. overworked.. overcome.. and now it is all ebbing away.. I am now slowly beginning the process of returning to Reality.. Another Reality.. one very different from the one I knew.. I am altered.. I am changed.. I am unhinged.. I am completely and absolutely renewed.. how does one respond to that..the times.. they are a changin’.. I do believe in Change I say.. Change is good.. Change is rejuvenating.. wait a minute... I Am Change.. and yet when it happens so drastically.. so officially.. so completely.. I am left google eyed.. and clip tongued.. could I be given another twelve years to deal with it.. please.. I realize it is an empty wish.. and after all not one that I want.. I am here.. the time is now.. and I am as ready as I could possibly be..
have I changed.. have I altered.. talk to me.. feel me.. pinch me.. hold me.. abuse me.. needle me.. I realize that in each of us there are layers within layers.. and we wear them all.. take off some.. don some.. inherit some.. buy some on our way.. ultimately they are all ours.. we must have some attraction to them.. and them to us,, that they are on us.. all I have to say is.. get a good tailor.. as long as we can carry them all (and a good fitting definitely helps).. they are of us.. and we of them.. and we must make the best of all those that we have..
introspection is a scary scary place to be.. not too long ago I would have gone on about my wonderful city.. New York.. but my world changed.. not that I love New York any less.. but I love it more.. because of what it gave me.. the power to realize my potential.. yes yes I can hear the snickering.. just a year ago I was talking to Mom and she convinced me that the road to my salvation was Yoga.. but in New York.. where was the time?.. and so I started to do yoga in the subway.. while travelling from point to point.. take it from me.. yoga in the subway really helps.. look where it got me!
did you hear the one about the Architect and the management school?.. no?.. well let me tell you.. what happens to an Architect when he joins a management school?.. answer.. he becomes a Developer.. Yikes!.. that is a joke on myself.. in the first place.. an architect has no place in a management school.. one becomes an object of attraction.. of stereotyping.. of being connected to all things finer.. what is wrong with that?.. nothing.. except that I have a great fear of being stereotyped.. and I would hope.. so does everyone else.. at the same time.. what an amazing position to be in.. to use.. and abuse.. you can have thoughts about everything.. and nothing.. and you will be given as much as you can probably wrangle from a bunch of people who actually have not a clue about the realm of creativity.. what an amazing position to be.. but then again.. as I said.. I hate being stereotyped.. what they can do.. I can do better.. (does not really work in real life when you are dealing with a bunch of folk who have been delving in the stock markets since the day they were born).. but the interesting thing is.. I realized that I do have an opinion about the stock market.. about accounting.. about finance.. about economics.. that is probably valid in the real world.. because like with everything else.. there are no absolutes.. no one else has a clue as to what is happening as much as me.. and there is where the clincher comes in.. the INSTICT.. an amazing thing.. be it in the realm of architecture.. the realm of Life.. and now the new life.. it works!!.. phew!!.. I am saved.. paeans to the life that I lived as an Architect.. as a Sufi.. as a Wanderer..
what do you say to man who thinks he has his eyes wide open.. Blink!!.. and I think that is what I have done in the past year.. did it help?.. tremendously.. it has been quite a Blink.. where are we going?.. I do not know.. (but it does seem that we are slowly but surely inching towards our goal of ruling the world) but it surely feels like we have a new power juice running through our veins.. we are charged.. and recharged.. and we are more awake than we have ever been.. to the possibilities of ourselves.. and what we can accomplish.. this sounds almost like a manifesto.. and I do not wish it to be that.. so..
the summer of 2007.. no let me go back further.. in November of 2006.. when I returned from a break in India to my cushy architecture job in New York.. I was fired.. it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.. and I told my fireees so.. they promptly called 911(I told you about the rings which I now wear in my last missive.. well.. they really do work!).. I applied to Sloan.. and then promptly was sucked up by an amazing firm who wanted me to design a showroom for Samsung in Korea.. great times.. and greater people.. and I was not fired!.. I joined the Sloan Fellows at MIT in June.. goodbye beloved New York.. parting was deep.. horrible.. sad.. sorrow.. and that is where I have been all this time.. well most of it..
how do I encapsulate everything that has passed in this past year.. I cannot.. the past year I have bonded with my brother Sam and by sisinlaw Ru like I never knew would be possible.. Mom has spent time with us and changed others lives (and saved mine) like I knew was always possible.. spent time with my family and my father.. and created new ventures.. met up and indulged with 85 Fellows in ways I never thought achievable.. on an island.. on a ship.. in class.. in bars.. over food and wine.. and everywhere.. and overcame mountains (the Alps) and died and was reborn again with my ever steadfast Bu and Chien.. and not to forget.. returned to the desert.. and sanduned.. and loved it.. it is like the ground beneath my feet is no more.. the sky opened up to the heavens.. and the breadth of one’s reach increased a million fold.. I realize that in our differences we are so much the same.. and in our very sameness we have amazing nuances of difference.. I was talking to Bu about how cultures around the world are being eroded.. he said.. that the old world charms and etiquette and modes of behaviour are being lost.. and me positive that they are not.. I think he won.. we are losing a lot of what we grew up with and what has been built over generations.. but I hope that in this change we are re interpreting them and moulding them to our time and our purposes.. how long can we pine for that which is passing and that which we can just about grasp.. we can be coloured by it.. remake it.. mould it.. know it.. and make ourselves stronger and better.. therein lies the story of the human race.. one of the greatest things that came out of this experience is bonding with people who believe as strongly in pursuing greatness as ourselves.. that in itself is reaffirming.. one realizes that it is not the individuals that are corrupt.. it is systems.. the individuals themselves desire progress.. ultimately the systems will have to change to accommodate them.. the systems are the daemons created by individuals.. and now they in turn turn repressive.. hopefully not for long..
Youth is an amazing thing.. it is a make believe world of invincibility.. it is foolishness.. and yet in this foolishness there is a great strength.. it is able to defy death.. stupidity.. old age wisdom.. where does one go when youth begins to ebb.. One is still in the last throes of it.. does One have a last youthful hurrah.. does One try to superficially attempt to hold on to it.. does One pop ginseng and herbs and make extend youth.. does One (as Oscar Wilde declared) try and recreate all of One’s youthful misdemeanours to relive it.. ultimately One shall succumb.. since the preserve of youth lies with the young in age.. it is not a mindset.. unfortunately.. it is a state of being of the physically young.. young age begets youth.. unfortunately as one grows older.. one starts to want to think of youth as an inner sense rather than an outer one.. this is self delusion.. youth is and will always remain a preserve of the young in age.. it is one of the greatest tragedies of life.. and of those who have been accorded youth and beauty in great measure.. if one is lucky.. and people seldom are.. it transforms into grace.. grace is youth grown up.. it does not have quite the same dazzling power.. the captivation.. but it has a sublime subtle strength of its own.. let us hope we are lucky to have been given both.. we shall see.. there is a long journey ahead.. and transitions between states are not often the most pleasant..
forgive me.. I grow pensive.. the sun sets.. I was talking with F and V on our trip up to the snow clad peaks of California that ultimately I am a lover of Beauty.. in actions.. words.. thought.. objects.. it does not matter.. I collect them all.. and I remember them all.. not realizing it I probably stumbled into Max Underwood’s class at ASU.. and he taught me about other such collectors.. like Charles and Ray Eames.. at least we have company..
enough said.. I am surprised at myself that my ‘bluemails’ have had such a pause.. but I am glad that they are reinvigorated tonight (hopefully you are as well)..
there is much more to do.. and much more to write about.. which I hope to be doing very soon.. keep you ears to the rails..
Sleep well my friends of light and darkness
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